Blog / 2020 / Half Dead

June 18, 2020

It was a few weeks after an emergency surgery to cut the disease out of my abdomen. I was in France visiting my mamy, and I’d stopped at a weekly market full of farmers and traveling vendors, one of whom was selling soft cotton scarves with a batik skull design.

I’d never been much of a skull person. I mean I have always loved Halloween, but more for the self-expression than for the gore. Still, that scarf called to me.

I had just turned 28, and I’d just been gutted, literally, by a surgeon. I felt half dead, and the skulls reminded me that that meant I was half alive too.

rainbow skull design by Gwenn Seemel
Rainbow Skull design

I’m about to turn 39, and last week I had an ultrasound that showed no disease growths at all. It revealed other potential problems and, from the migraines I still get, it’s clear that my endometriosis continues to cause inflammation reactions throughout my body. But, the ready-to-rupture endometrioma that had been hanging onto my remaining ovary for years is now too tiny to see. It might even be gone.

rainbow skull by Gwenn Seemel
Rainbow Skull design

To mark the occasion, I made my own skull design, combining a simple digital drawing with part of the painted rainbow from the For Your Safety mask featured in this blog post.

The rainbow skull is available in my Redbubble shop on scarves as well as plenty of other fun items. I made it because I wanted to buy myself a scarf, but this design is for anyone who likes the idea of focusing on how half dead also means very much alive.

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